The older, country western song, “How can I help you say goodbye” is appropriate here. I have four weeks to tidy everything up and leave them as well as I can. My gad.
The doctor’s office just told me that basically when my pain pill prescription runs out on November 1st next month I am a dead woman. “Go to the ER” she so blithely recommends. A young woman in her prime……..just had her first baby. Very protective of her doctor-boss so I don’t count. Not at all.
I have no doctor coverage at all as of this moment. Because everyone is afraid of having pain patients. Especially with the new ObamaCare rules and laws coming in January. Weed out the patients that you can’t cure or help. Clean off the decks Doctors. Protect yourselves as best you can. Dump the Medicare patients and the patients with FM…………because they use pain pills. And we just can’t have that. We might get into trouble.
So here I am at age 69 and not going to die from natural causes. I am enraged of course. God had a chance to take me home to Heaven a month ago when I was in ICU. Obviously they exerted waaay too much effort in ‘saving my life” so I could die in seizures and cold turkey withdrawals from pain pill and anti depressant pill.
So I have to rewrite the “NO extra measures” letter for the medical folks. Because obviously I have to be much clearer. Let me go for crying out loud!
And I have to ease the pain of my children and husband. I hope he gets married again. These 14 years have been very hard on him, my darling man. And my poor daughter is gonna be so pissed at me. I have always looked down on folks that died during the holidays and here I go; ruining the season for everyone close to me.
But there are no other options open to me. I cannot figure out how I can save back enough pills to let my spirit be free and still have enough pains to see my family from Seattle for the last time without ruining their trip here. Geez. What am I going to do and when?
Dear blog, what a good listener you are. Silent cyberspace and no one knows. The great gaping hole that I am shouting into.