June 20, 2004
How can I continue to believe that I can make plans?
How is it that I am stupid enough to actually “forget” that pain always wins?
What perversion lets me hope again for a new and normal day?
How do I keep doing it?
Making plans for my days.
Defeating pain tells me no
My hoping heart tells me yes
Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick
To live today in spite of the pain
With head held high
They tell me it is all in attitude
And praying for relief
Here is where I should buck-up
And not let pain win.
But after 2000 days with all of pain’s ways
I am tired and not interested
In expending that kind of energy
I would rather go away
Company is coming and I have to give
When empty doesn’t even come close
To saying what I am
But I don’t know how to move you out
I am losing ground with you pain
You are becoming more of me
Than I am of my self.